We understand that people like different things. After all, that’s why there’s such a variety of cuisines in the world (for which we are grateful). But there’s a plethora of recipes that, for one reason or another, appall the masses – many of them for Thanksgiving turkeys. So this November, give your guests something to be extra thankful for by not serving any of these birds.
The More the Merrier
Hope you’ve brought your appetite! The extravagant True Love Roast is comprised of 12 different birds – turkey, goose, chicken, pheasant, partridge, pigeon squab, Aylesbury duck, Barbary duck, poussin, guinea fowl, mallard, and quail – along with an array of different stuffing mixes. At 50,000 calories and 50-ish pounds, this impressive arrangement of protein serves 125 people. Take that, Turducken.
Do polka dots go with leopard print? No. And neither do turkey and sushi. Sure, on their own, each is fabulous, but under no circumstance is that a basis to pair things together. I get that we always try and recreate classics. But sometimes the classics should just be left alone. I’ll take my leftovers in sandwich form, please and thank you.
Let Them Eat Cake
If you find meat pies slightly unsettling, you may not be able to stomach this (literally). Don’t feel like washing all of those platters and serving utensils? Here’s a solution: a cake. One dish but all the same Thanksgiving dinner ingredients. This masterpiece is expertly crafted out of savory turkey meat, frosted with creamy mashed potatoes, and garnished with tart cranberries. (Recipes vary. And some are topped with mashed sweet potatoes and/or marshmallows.) It may look like a carrot cake, but please don’t place this faux-confection at the dessert table. Pretty sure your guests will be less than thrilled – just a guess though.
The Power of Four
In a day and age when we have bacon vodka, bacon chewing gum, and bacon dental floss, how could anyone possibly imagine an entire meal without a slice of the delicious, sliced pork? They just couldn’t. And since a turkey that’s stuffed with a duck that’s stuffed with a chicken just isn’t enough meat for a Thanksgiving meal, they’ve developed this savory Turbaconducken treat that takes each Turducken bird and wraps it with thick slabs of bacon.
Turkey and Gravy Soda
Need something to wash the feast down with? I feel kind of bad hating on Jones Soda (their other flavors are actually really good), but what were they thinking? (And what was everyone who bought them thinking? Somehow, this special edition flavor sold out within minutes of it being released. Ugh.)
Any other gross turkeys I missed or other holiday monstrosities you’d care to share? Let me know!
About the Author:
"Katie Straw" is the Gourmet Scribe at GourmetGiftBaskets.com, one of the top suppliers of gift baskets in the nation, and currently resides in Manchester, New Hampshire.