Halloween for Men

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I once convinced my husband to go to a Halloween party with me as a Ladybug. Well, we were a pair of Ladybugs. The costumes were made by a craft-talented friend who was proud to loan them to us. The bug’s red felt body had black circles velcroed to it; little antennae attached to our heads and bobbed at the slightest movement.

I thought we looked pretty darn adorable. My husband, not so much. I guess he was uncomfortable as a two hundred pound Ladybug covered with black arm hair. He vowed never again to accompany me to any festivity which demanded costume: Halloween parties, Mardi Gras, the Prince’s Masked Ball. He was out!

My husband is not alone in his distaste for the fanciful. But what to do if you’re invited to a grown-up Halloween party and are married to who hates playing dress-up? Here are some couples Halloween suggestions sure to please men who hate Halloween.

The American Tourister

Not the luggage. Your man can wear shorts, a Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses – pretty much the guy’s vacation outfit anyway. You wear the sillier stuff: a fanny pack, a shoulderful of camera equipment, a big-brimmed, sun-blocking hat with maps spread along the visor.

Construction Worker (You’re the Road)

Easy for him: jeans and a workshirt. (A hard-hat if you can convince him to wear one) You are a highway under construction. Your costume? Black tights, a black leotard, with a broken line of white paper cut out and glued to your torso. Buy one of those battery-operated flashers (good to have in a car when it breaks down. You can purchase these emergency flashers on-line or at places selling automobile accessories).

The Postman Rings Once (You’re the Gift)

Got blue? For him: A light blue shirt, darker blue pants. Copy the United States Postal insignia to make a badge.

Your costume? Get a large box, cut-out holes for your arms and legs; decorate with colorful wrapping paper, ribbons and bows; ditto the box top to wear on your head!

A Doctor?

Married to a professional in this field? He comes as he is: MD. You don a hospital gown (be sure to pin the back), attach some tubes to your vitals, some stitches in tasteful places. Voila! A doctor and patient.

A Lawyer?

Married to a professional in this field? Don’t let him give you an argument. Come-as-you-are for him. You wrap yourself in gauze, red dye, a blackened eye. Voila! An accident victim and her soon-so-be-suing attorney.

And for those who give up altogether and just want to party

Two stick-on name tags, the kind you find at a convention. Come as you both are. Print with some clarity and attach name tags to self.


I’m Brad Pitt


I’m Angelina Jolie

When people ask, tell them to use some imagination. Happy Halloween!

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